I don't know why!

Today, ok, I tried to control my anger.
I even prepared a notebook to write down every single reason why I was angry.
But everything went blank after hearing something stupidly, crazily absurd.
That there's a possibility that she cares about me.
Yeah right. why suddenly would she be like this?
I didn't want to think about it, but I did, and I lost my focus on my study again.
Totally distracted by something that I should never be distracted by.
And my mind, full of anger, sadness, aggressive thoughts, just won't stop
making me become depressed, helplessly angry.
.
.
.
Am I ruined already...?